[Note: Playstation-like logo.]
The curtain is about to rise...
A spectacular battle for survival.
A hunter trusts only...
Himself.
Beat them down...
Or dazzle them with your technique.
Monkey Hunter online!
[Note: Parody of Monster Hunter online TV spot.]
Risk your life to hunt them down!
The Odd Jobs were subjected to alien abduction
by mysterious aliens from outer space and
had parts of their bodies modified into screwdrivers.
Patsuan, it's not a crime to kill aliens from outer space, right?
They did it to him! They messed with Gin-san's analog stick!
In order to restore their bodies,
they began playing an online game called Monkey Hunter.
Along the way, other players who sought their same goal
-Katsura, Kondo, Sachan, and Hasegawa-joined their party.
Finally, they closed in on players who looked like the aliens they were searching for...
They revealed themselves to be...
Look, I didn't say anything earlier, but that's enough.
You guys have been sneaking about trying to check us out.
What're you up to? Are you with them?
Huh? What're you saying?
I'm asking who you people are!
You should identify yourselves first before asking us questions.
Huh? We are...
[Senpai] Gun User
[Kohai] [Whip User]
We are screwdrivers.
[Gintoki and his friends couldn't find a single clue about the alien gamers.]
[Their fight to restore their bodies finally comes to a conclusion!]
[JuuJuu En]
[Note: Parody of Korean BBQ restaurant, JyoJyoEn.]
Excuse me.
Two orders of salted beef tongue and four draft beers!
Coming right up!
Everyone...have you decided on your orders?
Ten orders of Kalbi G.
[Note: Parody of Well-done steak G from Monster Hunter. Kalbi is Korean style beef ribs.]
["Always Keep a Screwdriver In Your Heart"]
Come on, everybody!
Say something! This is our offline meeting.
Offline meeting? These are all people I know.
The same stupid faces.
This is no time to be having an offline meeting!
We're already into our third week!
Three weeks, dammit. Three weeks!
Why are we doing such stupid things three weeks in a row?
We've been doing this for three weeks
and our predicament hasn't gotten any better.
In fact, it's gotten worse.
What was the purpose of going on the hunt in the first place?
What did we gain from two weeks of hunting?!
Now, now.
While it's true we didn't get any useful information on the alien gamers,
Mon-Hun brought us-comrades, who share the same objective-together.
This is a prize more precious than any rare item obtained from the hunt.
You call us "comrades," but this assembly of fools are all hopeless cases.
What did you just say?!
Hijikata-kun, look at yourself in a mirror.
There's a fool staring back at you!
I'm better off than a guy who's dick got turned into a screwdriver, nimrod!
You're an idiot.
I'm better than a guy who's entire body-
including his dick-got turned into a screwdriver. Idiot.
Hey, hey, please calm down!
This offline meeting is an opportunity for us to discuss in person
what we're going to do from now own.
Let's all just calm down and have a peaceful talk.
Our party was ultimately never able to obtain any information on the alien gamers.
Hijikata-san, how did you do?
Why were the two of you using such confusing avatars?
Because of you, we wasted an entire week.
No one wants to play inside a game looking like himself, right?
We did that to lure those aliens to us.
We never imagined we'd catch people we didn't give a damn about...like you.
Hijikata-san, that's not entirely true.
We might have been fishing for guppies and unexpectedly hooked a big fish.
Sorry I'm late.
I'm Fruit Punch Samurai G.
This is your last meal as a free man. What would you like?
I'll have the prime tripe.
Excuse me. One order of Tainted raw meat.
[Note: Parody of Tainted meat from Monster Hunter.]
Okay, eat up.
You tricked me! I never expected the offline meeting to be a trap!
You're an idiot!
What's an Anti-Foreigner Faction samurai doing at an offline meeting?
There are times when even an Anti-Foreigner Faction samurai needs some time off!
When he wants to forget everything and have a good time!
Your brain is constantly "off."
Your adapter was pulled from its socket years ago.
Hmph. You fools.
Nothing good will come from capturing me.
It doesn't change the fact that you're all screwdrivers.
You're a screwdriver, too, aren't you?
No only that, you'll miss a chance to obtain valuable information.
Katsura, don't tell me; you have new information?
I might.
When you ask someone for something you should show the appropriate courtesy.
Kondo-san, don't fall for his tricks.
He's probably making it up to try and escape.
Look at this before you doubt me.
You'll never talk that way about me again.
This is...?!
[Drivers Wanted Now]
Oops, that's all I can show you.
Get me the Prime tripe if you want to know the contact number
and interview location.
One Prime tripe!
One kalbi!
Why are you showing us a truck driver ad?!
That's totally the wrong kind of driver!
Where's the info on the alien gamers, nimrod?!
I wouldn't have anything like that.
Are you still going to ignore reality?
You all must've realized that if we haven't found any information about the alien gamers by now,
we're not ever going to find any.
There's nothing more we can do.
Don't be ridiculous. We're not giving up so easily.
That's right! We're going to restore our bodies!
The fight begins right now...
Ack!
Kondo-san...is this...
She's the third princess of Planet Screw...Princess Phillips.
Actually, there's talk of an arranged marriage meeting...
Kondo-san, you can't be serious!
What we need to do now...
Is not play Mon-Hun or plan useless strategies over barbeque.
We need to decide how we're going to live as screwdrivers.
Thank you very much.
After that, no one spoke a word...
and everyone left the Mon-Hun party depressed.
Perhaps without realizing it, we were running away.
The only way to catch the aliens was through the game.
We kept reminding ourselves of that...
but perhaps all we were doing was ignoring the harsh reality
we were stuck in and escaping into the game.
We gave up our online avatars, and the hunt was over.
Now we had to face reality.
Before dawn this morning, Kotaro Katsura, a central figure among the
Anti-Foreigner Faction samurai, who had been apprehended by the Shinsengumi,
escaped from Oedo Prison, where he had been incarcerated.
We have a report from the scene by Ketsuno announcer.
Ketsuno? Ketsuno, are you there?
Yes. This is Ketsuno reporting from the scene.
Anti-Foreigner Faction samurai, Kotaro Katsura, has escaped from prison.
He escaped in just a week. Zura's pretty good.
Just how did he escape from a maximum security prison cell?
Yeah. The Shinsengumi's missing its key members,
Here at the site of the first-ever escape of this type...
so they couldn't keep him locked up.
Hey you guys, it's time to go.
Coming.
[Mover Jobs Gin]
I wonder what everyone who came to the Mon-Hun party is doing right now?
Who knows...
They're all probably working as drivers somewhere.
As he said that, Gin-san looked a bit sad.
Our new lives as drivers was surprising fulfilling.
The work was hard, but our income was way more than we ever made as Odd Jobs.
But Gin-san never seemed happy.
[Gaki Private Housing Contractor]
Hey, Hijikata, give me a screwdriver.
Right!
No, not one that big. Just a normal-sized one.
Right.
It was really bringing the whole gang down.
Chesuto!
[Note: Southern Kyushu samurai battle cry.]
Nice shot!
We realized we were stuck being drivers and so lived as drivers.
Hey, driver.
Right here.
No, not that kind of driver. A wooden one.
Right.
Were we really facing reality?
At this rate, we'll be...
What? Princess, might you be a Phillips screw?
What a coincidence! I'm a Phillips screwdriver!
Good for you two!
Perhaps you two are held together by the red screw of destiny!
[Note: Parody of Japanese saying that two people are held together by a red thread/destined to be together.]
Life seemed so much more real when we were playing the game.
[However, here's one woman who hasn't given up yet.]
No way! It might be okay if I had been modified into a screw that fit only Gin-san,
but this is unbearable!
If our lives keep going on like this...
will it become the norm and will the cloud over our hearts fade?
[Men's Dreams]
What is this listless feeling?
Like we've given up without knowing why?
Your screwdriver.
Will there come a day when the cloud is washed from our hearts?
Is our hunt really over...?
[Y-You're...]
It's a hitchhiker.
Gin-san, let's give her a lift.
That was someone we know.
I'm working. I don't care.
Take me to the GEO Kabukicho Branch. That's our destination.
[Note: GEO is a Japanese rental video & game store.]
You're still an "S" (sadist) even as a driver.
Was there ever such a thing as an S-driver?
I'm working. Go home.
You sure are earnest about your work.
Is this how you plan on playing the realist-
accepting your fate, enduring it, and working at it?!
Is this how you really want to live your life?!
Then you're exactly the same as those alien gamers,
holed up in their tissue-filled room thinking they're alive
because they spend all their time playing a videogame.
If you really want to live in reality...then fight it!
Create your own destiny and live in your own reality!
Isn't that what it truly means to live?
Isn't that a true gamer? One who plays the game of life-
isn't that who Gintoki Sakata is?!
I don't care if you lose!
I don't care if you remain a screwdriver! Because...
Because...my nipples are...
That was one noisy sow.
Gin-san...
Patsuan, the map. Show me the way.
The real hunt begins now!
[GEO KABUKICHO BRANCH]
Our hunt...
We sure bought a lot.
...was still...
With all this, I think we can leave Earth happy.
We bought too many games.
Okay, time to take off...
...not over.
Senpai, there's a strange vehicle!
It's headed straight for us!
What? Take off. C'mon, fly.
Right.
The ship's not lifting off.
Senpai, there's an intruder in propulsion room four.
What is it? What's going on?
Those are...
screwdrivers! Massive screwdrivers are drilling into the propulsion unit.
Katsura!
Stop it! Don't call me by that name right now! Kondo.
Stop it! Don't call me by that name right now!
Don't say anything!
Right now, I'm just a hunter! Fruit Chinpo Samurai G!
I'm Fruit Punch Samurai G!
Senpai ...
The truck is coming straight for us.
Blast it. Ready cannons!
Safety lock off. Aiming.
Okay, fire!
They're all yours.
This can't be!
You're insane!
Land this ship. Give me back my dick.
I don't know what you're after,
but try and stop the ship if you can.
This ship won't stop no matter how much you wreck the propulsion unit.
You see...
This ship will keep on flying unless you disassemble the main brain.
You can't do it with your screwdrivers.
That screw can't be turned without a special screwdriver.
You've lost...
Is that so?
I was wondering where I could use this...I guess this is it.
Wh...What?
You... It can't be...!
That screwdriver is...!
Fade in!
[Note: Parody of anime "Brave Raideen."]
Go to hell!
Huh? What about our bodies?
You did well to come this far.
I am the Masta Bayter, the Emperor of Darkness.
Will I hunt you down, or will you hunt me down?
Let's have our final battle.
Wait for me everyone. I'll be right there!
[The End]
[GinTama - Memories of Summer Vacation]
I feel sorry for cicadas.
They spend years in the ground,
but when they can finally come out, they die in just a week.
Don't feel sorry for them.
What makes you think their life begins after they come out of the ground?
For cicadas, the time spent underground might be their real lifetime.
They might be having sushi underground every day.
By the time they come out, their life is over.
It's just the last part of their life.
They come out looking forward to playing gateball.
[Note: Gateball is a croquet-like game associated with old folks in Japan.]
Are you serious? Sushi everyday? That makes me angry.
Doesn't it, though?
We eat raw egg and soy sauce on rice everyday-we're a lot more pitiful.
I feel sorry for mosquitoes.
They only want blood to feed the babies inside their bodies,
but we treat them like vampires and squash them.
Don't feel sorry for them.
Don't you know why you feel itchy when a mosquito bites you?
It's because of its saliva.
As it sucks your blood, it pumps saliva into your body.
They get treated to a meal at your house and spit on you as they leave.
Thanks for the god-awful meal.
Are you serious? That makes me angry.
Of course it does.
Now that you know that, get the mosquito coil.
I feel sorry for Madao.
I do, too.
Aren't you going to say something?
[The End]
[Preview]
Gin-san! It happened!
Next time, Otsu-chan makes the first appearance she's had in a while with her new song!
Are you sure it's okay?
There hasn't been a single song of hers that hasn't caused trouble.
The next episode... "When Nagging Goes Too Far It Becomes Intimidating."
[Otsu gets into an accident immediately after releasing her new song!]
[Her producer, Tsunpo, is injured, too. Who is responsible? What will Otsu do?!]
[See you next time.]